Saturday, September 1, 2007
1 September 2007
Bored, and am doing the RD BMA, so I'll post some jokes here!
All credit goes to Reader's Digest.
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Heard aboard a bus: "When you exit, please be sure to lower your head and watch your step. If you miss your step and hit your head, please lower your voice and watch your language. Thank you."
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For those of us sick and tired of the dieting craze, this sign at a Dairy Queen pretty much sums up our feelings: "Atkins Schmatkins. You know you want some."
P.S. Dairy Queen is a chocolate brand and Atkins is a kind of superstrict diet. Nuff said.
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A primary schol class was asked to tell a story with a moral. Kathy went first. "Once, we were driving a basket of hen eggs to market and we hit a big bump in the road. The eggs broke. The moral is don't put all your eggs in one basket.
Tammy went next. "Once, we had a dozen chicken eggs, but when they hatched we got only ten chicks. The moral is don't count your chickens before they are hatched."
Then it was Johnny's turn. "When my Aunt Karen was in Desert Storm, her plane was hit. She bailed out over enemy territory with only a bottle of whiskey and a machine gun.
"She drank the liquor on the way down so it wouldn't break and landed in teh middle of 100 enemy soldiers. She killed 70 with a machine gun and when she ran out of bullets, she killed the rest with her bare hands."
"What is the moral of that terrible story?" the teacher asked, horrified.
"Stay away from Aunt Karen when she's been drinking."
A/N: One word. LOL!
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A man is recovering from minor surgery when his nurse came to check on him.
"How are you feeling?" She asks.
"I'm OK,"he says, "but i didn't like the four-letter word the doctor used during the surgery."
"What did he say?" The nurse asks.
"Oops."
A/N: eh. hehe.
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After pulling over a speeding car, a police officer asks the driver, "Can you tell me why you were doing 140km/h, sir?"
"I think your speed radar is broken," says the driver. "I had my car in cruise control at 100 km/h."
"Now don't be silly dear," says the driver's wife. "You know we don't have cruise control."
As the officer writes out the ticket, teh man growls at his wife, "Can you keep quiet for once?"
The woman smiles and says, "You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did."
As the officer write out another ticket for an illegal radar detector, the man says to his wife, "For God's sake, will you button it?"
The officer frowns and says, "I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir."
"I was,"says the driver. "I took it off when you pulled me over."
"Now dear, you know very well you never wear your seat belt," says his wife. As the officer writes out a third ticket, the man shouts, "For the last time, shut up you silly woman!"
"Does your husband always talk to you like this?" The policeman asks.
"Oh no," she says. "Only when he's been drinking."
A/N: AHAHAHAHA. Talk about driving your own grave... eitehr the wife is idiotic or she's delibrately baiting her husband. I prefer to think the latter. Cool woman. hehe.
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ok, i gtg dinner. Cya ppl!
1:08 AM
